Dying to Self

Bobby Krahling / Pastor of Recovery

I have been contemplating what to write about and although, as I write this, my back surgery is six days away and I am a little nervous, I know that God is still at work. My wife and I just recently found out that she is pregnant for yes, the fourth time. Even as I say that I was about to say for the third time lol! You start losing a bit of your mind with each child, or just die to self more! I remember after we had Sophia, we said we would never have any more kids so I had a procedure done so that we couldn’t have anymore kids. Years later we both said, “What did we do?” How selfish we both were, and God had convicted us to have more children. I had a procedure to undo what the doctors had previously done, and I waited an entire year before I got tested because I was terrified and said, “God, did you really call us to have more kids?” I was second guessing what He called me to. Anyone else ever do that?

Bethany and I had been trying and the next week after I was tested to find out if the procedure was successful the doctors called and said, “You’re going to have a hard time getting pregnant.” Well, the very next day Bethany found out she was pregnant, then 22 months later we found out she was pregnant with Ezra. Eleven months later and now she is pregnant yet again! Praise God! I find it funny when people ask, “How many do you want?” To which I reply, “God what do you want??” I think it baffles most people when my wife tells them that we are trusting God with her fertility. Children are not an inconvenience, for His Word says that they are a blessing from the Lord! Does it take more dying to self and more sacrifice? Absolutely! It is beyond worth it!!! Do I hate dying to self? Most days until I see the payoff for what happens when I do that. Again, so worth it! When I glorify God and focus on how grateful I am I just forgot about my upcoming back surgery lol. A few verses come to mind:

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”” Luke 9:23

I think we are all in process and His word says to die to self. For me that is the behavior modification part. It must be followed up with taking up your cross daily, and for me that’s the discipline of living it out and putting what I know into action. We are extremely grateful that our family continues to grow and for how God chooses to refine us more and more through that process. We would covet everyone’s prayers for my back surgery and for this new baby in my wife’s womb. All glory and praise go to Him!